But even this vague non-apology was more than Trump could stand. His text included a smokescreen of excuses and self-justifications. He was, he said, “not a politician” and “never wanted to learn the language of the insiders.” He had “never been politically correct” and didn’t want to be. Of course, it was not at all through lack of “political correctness” or “the language of the insiders” that Trump has time and again demonstrated himself to be a cruel and dishonest man, but the statement is a good illustration of the adage that people will readily apologize for faults they actually consider to be virtues. Obviously Trump is not in the least sorry for having caused personal or any other kind of pain, and he would cause a great deal more and sharper pain if it weren’t for his present need for votes. His advisors, at least, obviously hope that the present fig leaf of a cheap imitation of an apology will provide sufficient excuse for those whose fears of Clinton have made them desperate for some honorable way of voting to stop her.

Since Trump now seeks to restore his hopes of the presidency by reading statements written by others, and since his most recent statement is manifestly inadequate, I thought I’d offer him my help, free of charge, in drafting a confession and apology that will be deep and thorough enough to convince people like me that Trump is truly penitent and ready to be forgiven. Here’s the statement Trump ought to read (and mean):

“Not just during the present campaign but throughout my life I, Donald Trump, have behaved in ways that are unacceptable both to God and to decent human beings. I desperately need and now humbly ask the forgiveness of both. I especially desire to ask public forgiveness for such of my wrongdoing as has been public or which I have made public by my own statements.”

“Specifically, then, I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of Ivana for unfaithfulness to our wedding vows through adultery both before our divorce and by the divorce itself. I also ask forgiveness of Marla for the same offenses. I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of the women with whom I committed adultery, and of their husbands and children, whose families I damaged. I ask forgiveness of those whose minds I (further) polluted by obscene statements on Howard Stern’s radio program and, even more so, by the strip club I opened in one of my gambling casinos. I ask forgiveness of the families that were damaged or broken by the vice I thus cultivated and from which I sought to profit, and I ask forgiveness from the women whom I debased by their employment at that establishment.

“I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of those in whom I cultivated the vice of gambling, for my own profit, in my several casinos, sometimes ruining their lives and families, and I ask forgiveness of the children who suffered privation for lack of the money I had extracted from their parents by this vice.

“I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of the many contractors who labored for me over the years and whose well earned wages I kept back by fraud, sometimes causing their small businesses to fail. I urge them now to contact me so that I can make financial restitution.

“Regarding the present campaign, I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of Republican primary voters for lying to them repeatedly. I confess that I never intended to build a wall on the Mexican border, or to enforce current U.S. immigration law, or to self-fund my campaign, or to do many of the other things I promised, and that I said whatever I thought would win me support at the moment I said it. I also ask their forgiveness for debasing the Republican debates by obscene references.

“I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of my rivals for the Republican nomination for the things just mentioned and also for seeking to win support for myself by lying about and wrongly and cruelly denigrating them. I ask forgiveness of Marco Rubio for cruelly and needlessly belittling his physical stature. I ask forgiveness of Ted Cruz for falsely claiming that he was not a natural-born citizen after numerous competent legal authorities had made clear that he is. I ask his forgiveness for accusing him of cheating in the Iowa caucuses. I ask his forgiveness for calling him a liar when it was I who was lying all the time and he who was telling the truth. I ask his forgiveness not only for falsely calling him a liar but for endeavoring to label him as such by linking the word ‘lying’ to his name again and again so that whenever people thought about him, they would doubt his honesty, even though he is one of the most honest men in American politics. I ask his forgiveness for having my friend, David Pecker, publish a false story in the National Enquirer accusing Ted of adultery. I admit this was a complete fabrication.

“I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of Heidi Cruz for re-tweeting a cruel picture designed to denigrate her physical appearance. I ask forgiveness of Rafael Cruz for having my friend, David Pecker, publish a false story in the National Enquirer accusing him of complicity in the Kennedy assassination. I admit this was a complete fabrication. I ask his forgiveness also for stating publicly, on two occasions, that the story was worthy of belief and for stating that he had not denied involvement with the assassination, even though he had very clearly denied it.

“I ask forgiveness of Serge Kovaleski for mocking his handicap, and I ask the forgiveness of all other handicapped persons and their families.

“I, Donald Trump, ask forgiveness of evangelical voters for falsely claiming that I won their vote in the primaries, thus demeaning them as hypocrites, when in fact I won a majority of evangelical votes in only a few states and then only on the votes of those who self-identified as evangelicals but who rarely if ever attended church.

“Since it is clear that I gained the Republican nomination through lying, deception, and the false and malicious denigration of my rivals, I, Donald Trump, now withdraw from the race and cede the nomination to such candidate as the party may choose, recommending Ted Cruz as having the most votes of any of the honest candidates and as having been most hurt by my wrongful campaign tactics.”

Well, I’m not holding my breath waiting for Donald Trump to make such a statement, whoever might write it. To those who think my suggested wording might go too far, I would point out that it refers only to those sins he either committed publicly or made public by his own words, often his boasts. To those who think my suggested wording omits many public sins for which Trump ought to seek forgiveness, you’re right, but this post is already too long, and this statement would at least be a good start.

If Trump would make such a statement, and convince me of his sincerity by suiting his deeds to these words, I could be convinced that he was genuinely repentant. Of course, I still wouldn’t vote for him for president, since he would no longer be a candidate.