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Yes, I admit it. Some of you have been suspecting this for some time. Some of you have said as much. It’s time I finally came clean. I want my presidential candidate to be perfect.

How perfect? I’ll tell you. There are two different ways that a presidential candidate can be perfect enough to suit me.

Here’s the first way he could qualify:

I want a candidate who has never owned a casino–not even one. I know that will narrow the choices quite a bit. For example, in the primary campaign just past, it would have narrowed the field of Republican candidates from seventeen all the way down to sixteen. I also want a candidate who has never owned a strip club. I’m picky about things like that. Of course, that too would have reduced the field by one–the same one.

Furthermore, if a candidate is going to get my vote, he must not have boasted about committing adultery or about sexually molesting women. I know a lot of my fellow Republicans don’t have any problem with things like this–or so it would appear–but, as many of you have suspected, my candidate has to be perfect–as least perfect enough not to be a sexual predator. And that would have left us only sixteen Republican candidates from which to choose a nominee.

Then there’s the matter of lying. I’d really like to have a candidate who doesn’t lie at all. They say you can’t have that in a politician, but though I may be a perfectionist, I’m not a cynic. I don’t count a man as lying unless I catch him in a lie. That would still leave fourteen or fifteen of this year’s Republican candidates. And, really, I’d be willing to overlook one or two apparent lies. I might have been mistaken about what the candidate knew or said, or the candidate might have misspoken. I could give the benefit of the doubt, if there seemed to be any doubt. Of course, if a candidate tells one or two obvious lies every day, I just have to eliminate him. He’s not “perfect” enough. The same would go if he was known to be dishonest in his business dealings.

Now, if a candidate didn’t do any of those things, that’s one way he could be perfect enough for me. There is another way. Even if a man had done any or all of these things, he could still be perfect enough for me if he could give a convincing testimony of salvation by repentance and faith in Jesus Christ and then about ten years or so of living a life befitting that repentance. God knows the instant a soul is born again. I have to know him by his fruits–by the way he lives–and for an office of high trust such as the presidency, extensive fruit inspection is necessary.

Well, they say no candidate is perfect, but by my definition of “perfect,” Republican voters had somewhere in the neighborhood of fourteen or fifteen, maybe as many as sixteen, candidates they could have chosen, any one of which was perfect enough that I could have voted for him now, provided he hadn’t by this time taken a position that would have disqualified him. But they chose Trump, who is disqualified by every one of the criteria above and says he has not asked God for forgiveness. I won’t vote for him. I guess I’m just hard to please–just have to have the perfect candidate.